Counting Stars

This last week was Spring break for my grandchildren. I had the immense honor of spending everyday with them. My daughter would drop them off early morning and the fun would begin and memories made. They would not settle for cereal in the morning as they would say " you are the Grandma, you need to cook us something" so we always started with an awesome breakfast. I live on a property that has quite a few acres of land and very rural and there is a running creek in front of my house . So needless to say we hiked the hillsides(we all have our favorite walking sticks) and actually ran into a king snake, we played in the creek for hours. We caught alot of bugs, some frogs and a couple of small fish and kept them for awhile in old butter containers and coffee cans.. Lots of rocks added to my collection We were bit by plenty of bugs and we figured out the mud from the creek would soothe our bites for awhile. We were scared to death of touching the stinging nettle plants and the poison oak.. We ate wild celery from the creekside and made boats out of leaves, bark and celery string and had boat races. We played on the lawn in the front yard and ran through the sprinkler with the boom box blasting in the background. Planted their first flower garden and figured out quick they do not like pulling weeds. My favorite was laying on an old sheet on the lawn and looking at the sky while we were talking and cracking up.

At the end of the day would have a Tea party or Teef party as the three year old grandson says. The menu would consist of mint tea, cookies and fresh fruit. The tea was served on my front deck, I used the linens given to me by my Grandma and I used the Violet flowered tea set I bought at the Thrift store. I tried to teach them to take their time and savor the tea and the refreshments and the company of each other and savor the moment. I know that I savored every moment...

You know we all have times in our lives that are dear and special to us, that we will always remember. This last week is one of those times for me. Those memories you go back to in your mind and bring a smile to your face and gleam in your eye and good ache in your heart.

One of the effects of the pause (menopause) that does not bother me and I actually can tolerate well is the effect of daydreaming, blank looking face, seem not to be there, staring off into nowhere in the middle of a conversation or working. If you must know the truth my mind is somewhere, it is at a moment in time where I choose it to be. A savored picture or memory or feeling from a past or present time. My true love asks me all the time " Are you off counting stars again?" Yes my love.... I am off counting stars again, but please don't let it upset you or worry you. Too be honest off counting stars is a very nice place to be. I love you!

The Effects

Wow!!! Is all I can say about my response I received on my inagural blog. Thank you for all responses and advice and love offered.
Let me explain why I started this blog/journal... I am 51 years old and damn proud of it. I have earned and paid for every year I have been on this Earth... I am not scared of growing older, I want to embrace whatever is to come in my life and savor it all. However... when I am just beginning to go through these changes mentally and await the next stage of my life along comes the "True Change of Life" .. So now what the Hell!
I am 51 years old and proud to say it. I am not the new "40" or the new anything. I feel that the "The Change of Life" is not for me, I listen to Jimi Hendrix, Rage against the Machine. I wear Levi's and tank tops and wear Cobian sandals. I can dance my ass to most music and I don't care who is watching. I love the UFC (Chuck Liddell), Chargers Football and Nascar (#48) Jimmie Johnson.. and Yankees Baseball. I can shoot tequila with the best of them and I make a mean cup of tea.... I have hiked miles in a Rain Forest in Puerto Rico, swam in the Atlantic & Carribean Ocean in the same day (50th birthday present from my sweet man) I look forward to going back to the Grand Canyon with my man and hike Bright Angel Trail and camp under the stars. To whiteraft on the Mighty Colorado River and then some day camp under the Great Redwoods and Sequoias. Returning to Puerto Rico and exploring the other side of the RainForest and learning to snorkel .drinking lots of Rum and eating Mofongo.
I by no means have given up or am sad about what is going on inside me. I just want to understand it. Why ? How long? When? What the Hell?
Why am I sweating so profusely and no one else around me is? Why do I just blurt out whatever is on my mind and am shocked as hell after I said it? One minute I am happy as a clam , the next I am bawling like a baby..
Why is my skin changing? Why does my make up look different on me? I have no patience whatsoever.... I forget where I have parked my car, what I was going to the refrigerator for, why I came into this room... Where the Hell are my keys? Charging my cell phone are you kidding?
What is this poison that wells up inside of me? Where are these tears coming from ?
I have lit a million candles, drank hot tea and practiced yoga and walked till my feet are blistered... sorry but it did not help. I will still do this though cause if you know me that is me... Candles, tea and Patchouli.
Am I supposed to be learning something from this experience? Is this a form of purgatory ? When all this is over and " The Change of Life" has taken place will I be different.. Is this where I find wisdom and maybe some common sense?
Thanks for your love and support. Please follow my blog and my journey so I do not feel like I am in this alone. Comments appreciated. Click the envelope below.
Today I continue my quest for wisdom and common sense.. The Pause and Effects of it all..

"The Pause"

Definition of "The Pause" - a cessation of activity because of doubt or uncertainty; a momentary hesitation...This term came about lovingly and laughingly to describe myself at this time and stage of my life and those dear ones that are living through it with me. The term "The Pause" is used as term of explanation of my momentary cessations of brain activity, daydreaming, lapses of judgment and every ache and pain you can imagine. It is the only explanation I can give to my very patient and loving fiancee' for my actions or lack of . All I have to tell him is with my shoulders shrugged is " The Pause" and that is explanation enough. I am 51 years old and very menopausal.
It has taken me quite awhile to be able to even acknowledge the word, or the thought of 'The Pause" (menopause) in relation to myself or my world as I knew it. That word is for old ladies, grey hair, polyester pants, AARP card holder, rocking chairs.........
Definition in the dictionary of menopause- noun Physiology.
1.
the period of permanent cessation of menstruation, usually occurring between the ages of 45 and 55.

I wish it was as simple as the description makes it sound.
But I feel that I am in for quite a journey, including my loved ones that will be on this wild ride with me. Please any and all input, advice,guidance etc. will be appreciated and read and taken with a grain of salt. Join me on this journey in my life and the paths it will take me on. I have to be honest I am scared to death and excited... Explain that ! (shoulders shrugged) "The Pause"

Sandy