The Effects

Wow!!! Is all I can say about my response I received on my inagural blog. Thank you for all responses and advice and love offered.
Let me explain why I started this blog/journal... I am 51 years old and damn proud of it. I have earned and paid for every year I have been on this Earth... I am not scared of growing older, I want to embrace whatever is to come in my life and savor it all. However... when I am just beginning to go through these changes mentally and await the next stage of my life along comes the "True Change of Life" .. So now what the Hell!
I am 51 years old and proud to say it. I am not the new "40" or the new anything. I feel that the "The Change of Life" is not for me, I listen to Jimi Hendrix, Rage against the Machine. I wear Levi's and tank tops and wear Cobian sandals. I can dance my ass to most music and I don't care who is watching. I love the UFC (Chuck Liddell), Chargers Football and Nascar (#48) Jimmie Johnson.. and Yankees Baseball. I can shoot tequila with the best of them and I make a mean cup of tea.... I have hiked miles in a Rain Forest in Puerto Rico, swam in the Atlantic & Carribean Ocean in the same day (50th birthday present from my sweet man) I look forward to going back to the Grand Canyon with my man and hike Bright Angel Trail and camp under the stars. To whiteraft on the Mighty Colorado River and then some day camp under the Great Redwoods and Sequoias. Returning to Puerto Rico and exploring the other side of the RainForest and learning to snorkel .drinking lots of Rum and eating Mofongo.
I by no means have given up or am sad about what is going on inside me. I just want to understand it. Why ? How long? When? What the Hell?
Why am I sweating so profusely and no one else around me is? Why do I just blurt out whatever is on my mind and am shocked as hell after I said it? One minute I am happy as a clam , the next I am bawling like a baby..
Why is my skin changing? Why does my make up look different on me? I have no patience whatsoever.... I forget where I have parked my car, what I was going to the refrigerator for, why I came into this room... Where the Hell are my keys? Charging my cell phone are you kidding?
What is this poison that wells up inside of me? Where are these tears coming from ?
I have lit a million candles, drank hot tea and practiced yoga and walked till my feet are blistered... sorry but it did not help. I will still do this though cause if you know me that is me... Candles, tea and Patchouli.
Am I supposed to be learning something from this experience? Is this a form of purgatory ? When all this is over and " The Change of Life" has taken place will I be different.. Is this where I find wisdom and maybe some common sense?
Thanks for your love and support. Please follow my blog and my journey so I do not feel like I am in this alone. Comments appreciated. Click the envelope below.
Today I continue my quest for wisdom and common sense.. The Pause and Effects of it all..